We will call him Charles, and he is cool.
Charles somehow got referred to me by a reliable source, and I soon found that this person is enrolled in the university that I am hoping to transfer to. Hence, with great desire, I got a hold of him and we met and chatted over Chinese food, this time, it wasn't Panda Express.
This is just one of the many things I've done to branch out as a man that is well rounded. I will say, however, I was referred to Charles on the basis that we both struggled with SSA, but I was really glad our discussion did not focus on that. It focused on school, life, family, and interests. We talked about organic chemistry and how he liked it better than general chemistry. We talked about the University's teachers... which one to take, which ones to avoid. We talked about culture, mine and his, and how he felt about moving away from home.
These are only a few reasons why Charles is cool.
I can almost sense your questions about the rainbow elephant sitting in the room. Well, if you're so worried, why not comment? I wish not to comment on whether or not I am attracted to Charles physically, because that would make things really awkward (as if talking about the rainbow elephant isn't already), but I do want to be held accountable, nevertheless. It seems pretty safe to meet outside of our homes, and I hope it will continue to be safe.
Charles, thanks for hanging out! I hope we do this more often so we can talk about school, definitely should find a way to do research our senior year, that would ROCK. You're a good man, and I hope you have an awesome weekend!
Luke Emmanuel out.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Slow!
Dear... oh heck, friends:
With all the awesome stuff going on with Jake, Kenneth, Burlington, and Rudolf, I'm having a hard time catching up with updates, although I feel safe to say I have little to update. God is faithful, and with every step forward he is there. With every fall God is there to pick me up. And when my heart is downtrodden, there are brothers and sisters who are there to remind me of God's goodness and grace for each moment. Indeed, God's grace is enough.
I have, however, learned a very good lesson. You know of my thoughts on individual differences, that God has a reason for allowing each person to have a take on a certain issue. I see it as a beautiful thing, even though conflict arises sometimes. I have been open to the way different people interpret what God wants for them (while following the word and not deviating from it, of course).
But something else came to mind as I realized the power of words and how people are sensitive to certain words. I know that I will become upset or angry when people say certain things. I don't know how to explain certain examples without unveiling unnecessary complexities, so I will generically say that certain phrases and implications will trigger a feeling of shame, rejection, or even doubt.
Words have power, but something I learned lately (from a wise Christian woman) was that words bear no meaning at face value. Everything we observe and experience is meaningless, King Solomon was very clear about that. Then why do we hurt when certain words are combined and certain facial gestures are expressed? To tell you the truth, I don't know. I don't know why they hurt us, but I understand who is making it hurt.
I believe words have no meaning until we put our perspective, experience, life, pain, wounds... everything into discovering what those words might mean. We relate everything we see and hear to what is most familiar to us, and when we hear something we think is negative (even something like "That cake is pink" can trigger something tremendously intense).
"I DON'T LIKE PINK!!!! DANG IT!!!!" outrageous? yes. foolish, maybe. but not too out of reach.
Something like "you're not welcome here" has no meaning until we think about how that applies to oneself.
"I'm not welcome here, I must be _______" Positive response: "too smart for them so they need their space." or "not properly presentable so I should probably take a shower." Negative response: "not good enough, I never meet people's demands for me." or "ugly even if I take a shower, God must regret creating someone as hideous as me."
Probably wasn't a good example, sorry if I confused you.
What I'm trying to say is that I've learned to appreciate words for what they are: words. When someone tries to reveal my shame, weakness, or insecurity with words, I will learn not to fear and not to respond too quickly. Because even when someone tries to attack me, I do not want to consider it an attack. If someone says I'm stupid, I will ask for three examples of my stupidity. If someone tells me that I'm doing everything wrong, I will try not give up in a huff, but instead ask for advice while communicating my concern for his attitude.
Being angry accomplishes nothing. What is God? slow to anger, abounding in love. What an example... I pray I may be slow to anger, and abounding in love. And I pray you will find comfort knowing that I will try not to be reactionary and angry if one of you unintendedly triggers something in my psyche. My hope is that as I continue to seek harmony and peace in Christ, those triggers will also fade away with time.
Luke Emmanuel out.
With all the awesome stuff going on with Jake, Kenneth, Burlington, and Rudolf, I'm having a hard time catching up with updates, although I feel safe to say I have little to update. God is faithful, and with every step forward he is there. With every fall God is there to pick me up. And when my heart is downtrodden, there are brothers and sisters who are there to remind me of God's goodness and grace for each moment. Indeed, God's grace is enough.
I have, however, learned a very good lesson. You know of my thoughts on individual differences, that God has a reason for allowing each person to have a take on a certain issue. I see it as a beautiful thing, even though conflict arises sometimes. I have been open to the way different people interpret what God wants for them (while following the word and not deviating from it, of course).
But something else came to mind as I realized the power of words and how people are sensitive to certain words. I know that I will become upset or angry when people say certain things. I don't know how to explain certain examples without unveiling unnecessary complexities, so I will generically say that certain phrases and implications will trigger a feeling of shame, rejection, or even doubt.
Words have power, but something I learned lately (from a wise Christian woman) was that words bear no meaning at face value. Everything we observe and experience is meaningless, King Solomon was very clear about that. Then why do we hurt when certain words are combined and certain facial gestures are expressed? To tell you the truth, I don't know. I don't know why they hurt us, but I understand who is making it hurt.
I believe words have no meaning until we put our perspective, experience, life, pain, wounds... everything into discovering what those words might mean. We relate everything we see and hear to what is most familiar to us, and when we hear something we think is negative (even something like "That cake is pink" can trigger something tremendously intense).
"I DON'T LIKE PINK!!!! DANG IT!!!!" outrageous? yes. foolish, maybe. but not too out of reach.
Something like "you're not welcome here" has no meaning until we think about how that applies to oneself.
"I'm not welcome here, I must be _______" Positive response: "too smart for them so they need their space." or "not properly presentable so I should probably take a shower." Negative response: "not good enough, I never meet people's demands for me." or "ugly even if I take a shower, God must regret creating someone as hideous as me."
Probably wasn't a good example, sorry if I confused you.
What I'm trying to say is that I've learned to appreciate words for what they are: words. When someone tries to reveal my shame, weakness, or insecurity with words, I will learn not to fear and not to respond too quickly. Because even when someone tries to attack me, I do not want to consider it an attack. If someone says I'm stupid, I will ask for three examples of my stupidity. If someone tells me that I'm doing everything wrong, I will try not give up in a huff, but instead ask for advice while communicating my concern for his attitude.
Being angry accomplishes nothing. What is God? slow to anger, abounding in love. What an example... I pray I may be slow to anger, and abounding in love. And I pray you will find comfort knowing that I will try not to be reactionary and angry if one of you unintendedly triggers something in my psyche. My hope is that as I continue to seek harmony and peace in Christ, those triggers will also fade away with time.
Luke Emmanuel out.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Two in a row
Dear Obediah, Seymour, MR, Jay, Justin, Sweeney, and you:
When things could not get better, they do. I'm still trying to catch my breath!
I found a fellow Christian in chemistry class today. What was super cool was that when we got talking about medicine, I could just see the look in his eyes that there was something different about him. I suppose I got a little too carried away when I offered to have him join me for lunch at a burger joint where Rudolf works, but he agreed. At the joint, he and I started talking about our callings, and he and I related to each other about Bible studies and the churches we go to, and immediately we knew that God was doing something in both our lives.
His name is Jake, and he is cool. I found that his aptitude and character was (not surprisingly) like mine since we both knew where our strengths came from, and like me, he has a struggle, a downfall, a tragedy that he relied on God to cope with.
Jake wanted to be a football player, but in high school he tore his ACL, now he has had a series of surgeries two years after his injury. This episode in his life inspired him to rely on God. It also made him curious about the medical field, and God brought us together, I have a feeling, for this reason.
I look forward to fellowshipping with him more.
When things could not get better, they do. I'm still trying to catch my breath!
I found a fellow Christian in chemistry class today. What was super cool was that when we got talking about medicine, I could just see the look in his eyes that there was something different about him. I suppose I got a little too carried away when I offered to have him join me for lunch at a burger joint where Rudolf works, but he agreed. At the joint, he and I started talking about our callings, and he and I related to each other about Bible studies and the churches we go to, and immediately we knew that God was doing something in both our lives.
His name is Jake, and he is cool. I found that his aptitude and character was (not surprisingly) like mine since we both knew where our strengths came from, and like me, he has a struggle, a downfall, a tragedy that he relied on God to cope with.
Jake wanted to be a football player, but in high school he tore his ACL, now he has had a series of surgeries two years after his injury. This episode in his life inspired him to rely on God. It also made him curious about the medical field, and God brought us together, I have a feeling, for this reason.
I look forward to fellowshipping with him more.
Enter Burlington
Dear Obediah, MR, Jay, Sweeney, Justin, Seymour, and you:
There are some things that I will never understand. One thing is the way God works, and boy, does he work. I have no idea whatever what he desires of me, and where he wishes to lead me, but with trusting in him, things just... well... happen.
Enter Burlington. I have remarked that I attended a Bible study near my house these past two Wednesdays. Well, before people started to come in, Burlington was there. I greeted him as he exited his car with his Bible and a sweatshirt (it got cold here).
So we were in the kitchen, and we were just talking. I tried to straighten things out regarding people's intentions in being here since so many girls are there and everyone dresses so nicely. Turns out, no one is really dating in the group, and neither are people really looking for a date. The only time they will look for one is if God somehow brings them together. That was cool, and I think that's what Dad wanted to emphasize: getting in the mix, per se.
Now I don't have too much time to write, so I'll cut to the chase.
Burlington and I started discusses other small groups we're involved in, and I got around to talking about my Friday night group. Burlington commended me for the work God has done through me. It was definitely a God moment when Burlington told me his 21-year-old younger brother is at a distant university struggling with homosexuality. His mother is also in a group, but I have yet to find out what it is. It's these moments that I say to God, "Okay, you told me to branch out and get out of the SSA bubble, but what you really want is.... yeah.... I get it, I'm still you're tool. Fine, glad to be. I'm yours."
Clearly Burlington felt much encouragement, considering the fact that we became closer through what we knew. I can only pray that I will be of spiritual encouragement to this hard situation. Before he went home he gave me a hug, and I could see in his eyes that he was a brother. I told him that he knew my number and could call whenever to talk about things. I want God to move him to want to speak to me about these things (since most of the time I am the one who calls people). I really want to talk though (AHH...) but I will be patient and wait on God for the right moment. After all, God's the one who brought this shenanigan up.
Perhaps this is a similar way that God may use to find me a spouse. God does crazy things for a reason.
I love the way God works through me, it makes me love him more.
There are some things that I will never understand. One thing is the way God works, and boy, does he work. I have no idea whatever what he desires of me, and where he wishes to lead me, but with trusting in him, things just... well... happen.
Enter Burlington. I have remarked that I attended a Bible study near my house these past two Wednesdays. Well, before people started to come in, Burlington was there. I greeted him as he exited his car with his Bible and a sweatshirt (it got cold here).
So we were in the kitchen, and we were just talking. I tried to straighten things out regarding people's intentions in being here since so many girls are there and everyone dresses so nicely. Turns out, no one is really dating in the group, and neither are people really looking for a date. The only time they will look for one is if God somehow brings them together. That was cool, and I think that's what Dad wanted to emphasize: getting in the mix, per se.
Now I don't have too much time to write, so I'll cut to the chase.
Burlington and I started discusses other small groups we're involved in, and I got around to talking about my Friday night group. Burlington commended me for the work God has done through me. It was definitely a God moment when Burlington told me his 21-year-old younger brother is at a distant university struggling with homosexuality. His mother is also in a group, but I have yet to find out what it is. It's these moments that I say to God, "Okay, you told me to branch out and get out of the SSA bubble, but what you really want is.... yeah.... I get it, I'm still you're tool. Fine, glad to be. I'm yours."
Clearly Burlington felt much encouragement, considering the fact that we became closer through what we knew. I can only pray that I will be of spiritual encouragement to this hard situation. Before he went home he gave me a hug, and I could see in his eyes that he was a brother. I told him that he knew my number and could call whenever to talk about things. I want God to move him to want to speak to me about these things (since most of the time I am the one who calls people). I really want to talk though (AHH...) but I will be patient and wait on God for the right moment. After all, God's the one who brought this shenanigan up.
Perhaps this is a similar way that God may use to find me a spouse. God does crazy things for a reason.
I love the way God works through me, it makes me love him more.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Chinese Food with Rudolf
Dear MR, Seymour, Obediah, Jay, Sweeney, Justin, and you:
I met Rudolf at weight training class. He was the one who introduced me to the Bible study on Wednesday nights but stood me up when I got there... whoops.
Anyways, Rudolf was one of two guys that I felt a bit of an attraction to since they were both quite fit, although the other one, Kenneth, was a football player and lifted over 200 lbs on the bench. On the side note, Kenneth and I have also begun a good friendship, he's been a good bud. We would take turns doing deadlifts and benches and he's helped me with my form (which was better than I thought because he thought I was pretty good). Bottom line: demystification accomplished. Both Rudolf and Kenneth are cool and I don't get flustered when I see them, instead I appreciate their beauty just as much as I appreciate mine (we all have the same creator).
So, this post is about Rudolf. I have a few things I want to tell you about him and what I realized about the struggle in our human condition. Despite the disgusting orange chicken he suffered from (Panda Express... what the heck?) we were able to have a good conversation and from my observation he enjoyed being with me just as much as I him. He talked a lot about girl trouble, and his car, and I laughed with him and sympathized with him (to my effort) at the most appropriate times. We got to talking about faith, and he said he hasn't been on track as much as he hopes. Don't we all have this problem?
Jay and I discussed this morning that even though we may be stumbling in different ways, the details don't give us an exuse to exclude anyone else: we all fall short, and when talking to Rudolf, the presence of brokenness in all of us, not just SSA victims, became more real to me than ever.
I hope I can become a brother to Rudolf, and I have a sense he wants one. I also have a feeling he wants a father, but that isn't a judgment I'm willing to make official. I guess I just found out today that we all need our Lord's help to not stray or get burned out in life, and God places in our lives people who will do his will in helping us get back on track with him. And that, my friends, is truly a beautiful thing.
I might add, that last night at Friday Night Group, we had a very wonderful worship time. A few of us guys stayed after we prayed and finished, and one of us had a guitar. I and another guy took turns on the piano, and we jammed, we worshiped, and we had a wonderful time. See. That's what fellowship's all about. I haven't sung my heart out that way in months! And now I know there's a place I can go to do just that.
There's a place for everything, all I need to do is ask God where they are. Usually he shows me.
I met Rudolf at weight training class. He was the one who introduced me to the Bible study on Wednesday nights but stood me up when I got there... whoops.
Anyways, Rudolf was one of two guys that I felt a bit of an attraction to since they were both quite fit, although the other one, Kenneth, was a football player and lifted over 200 lbs on the bench. On the side note, Kenneth and I have also begun a good friendship, he's been a good bud. We would take turns doing deadlifts and benches and he's helped me with my form (which was better than I thought because he thought I was pretty good). Bottom line: demystification accomplished. Both Rudolf and Kenneth are cool and I don't get flustered when I see them, instead I appreciate their beauty just as much as I appreciate mine (we all have the same creator).
So, this post is about Rudolf. I have a few things I want to tell you about him and what I realized about the struggle in our human condition. Despite the disgusting orange chicken he suffered from (Panda Express... what the heck?) we were able to have a good conversation and from my observation he enjoyed being with me just as much as I him. He talked a lot about girl trouble, and his car, and I laughed with him and sympathized with him (to my effort) at the most appropriate times. We got to talking about faith, and he said he hasn't been on track as much as he hopes. Don't we all have this problem?
Jay and I discussed this morning that even though we may be stumbling in different ways, the details don't give us an exuse to exclude anyone else: we all fall short, and when talking to Rudolf, the presence of brokenness in all of us, not just SSA victims, became more real to me than ever.
I hope I can become a brother to Rudolf, and I have a sense he wants one. I also have a feeling he wants a father, but that isn't a judgment I'm willing to make official. I guess I just found out today that we all need our Lord's help to not stray or get burned out in life, and God places in our lives people who will do his will in helping us get back on track with him. And that, my friends, is truly a beautiful thing.
I might add, that last night at Friday Night Group, we had a very wonderful worship time. A few of us guys stayed after we prayed and finished, and one of us had a guitar. I and another guy took turns on the piano, and we jammed, we worshiped, and we had a wonderful time. See. That's what fellowship's all about. I haven't sung my heart out that way in months! And now I know there's a place I can go to do just that.
There's a place for everything, all I need to do is ask God where they are. Usually he shows me.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Peers
Dear Jay, Sweeney, Justin, MR, Obediah, Seymour, and you:
I never knew hanging out with fellow same-agers would be so fun until tonight. I went to a Bible study near my house and I had a really awesome experience being with fellow college students. I feel as though I was part of the group, and that my SSA didn't even matter. It was beautiful.
I think some girls were interested in being my friends, too. After all 3/4 of the group were girls, but the guys were louder, which was awesome because I felt like I was part of them, loud, boisterous, a whole lot of brotherhood that I would give up anything just to experience again.
Thank God for peers! I never thought I would fit in like I did tonight. I guess people who love God are pretty good at sticking together with one holy interest.
This is one of the many instances where I have begun to branch out, and I hope to do more while staying on task with my school work. Until next time... gotta think about chemistry now.
Luke Emmanuel out.
I never knew hanging out with fellow same-agers would be so fun until tonight. I went to a Bible study near my house and I had a really awesome experience being with fellow college students. I feel as though I was part of the group, and that my SSA didn't even matter. It was beautiful.
I think some girls were interested in being my friends, too. After all 3/4 of the group were girls, but the guys were louder, which was awesome because I felt like I was part of them, loud, boisterous, a whole lot of brotherhood that I would give up anything just to experience again.
Thank God for peers! I never thought I would fit in like I did tonight. I guess people who love God are pretty good at sticking together with one holy interest.
This is one of the many instances where I have begun to branch out, and I hope to do more while staying on task with my school work. Until next time... gotta think about chemistry now.
Luke Emmanuel out.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I love it when I hear Mark Schultz Sing
Dear Jay, Sweeney, Obediah, Justin, MR, Seymour, and you:
God has a sense of humor. When I was downtrodden, I used to play Mark Schultz's "He Will Carry Me" in my dorm room and cry for a bit before going to school. Well, yesterday, I turned on KLOVE when I drove to places, and each time Mark Schultz would be playing. I especially like his song "He Is," and I do recall "He Will Carry Me" playing also.
"God, I get it" I said with a smile.
And guess what. I currently have my iPod playing on shuffle and guess what it's playing just as I wrote the last sentence? "You are a Child of Mine." God knows what I need, and he also knows I need encouragement... leading worship while playing a piano is hard, and I've tried it before with little success. But I won't be defeated, I know God's given me long fingers for a reason.
"You are a child of mine, born of my own design, you bear the heart of life. No matter where you go, you will always know, you been freed in Christ. You are a child of mine."
Luke Emmanuel out.
God has a sense of humor. When I was downtrodden, I used to play Mark Schultz's "He Will Carry Me" in my dorm room and cry for a bit before going to school. Well, yesterday, I turned on KLOVE when I drove to places, and each time Mark Schultz would be playing. I especially like his song "He Is," and I do recall "He Will Carry Me" playing also.
"God, I get it" I said with a smile.
And guess what. I currently have my iPod playing on shuffle and guess what it's playing just as I wrote the last sentence? "You are a Child of Mine." God knows what I need, and he also knows I need encouragement... leading worship while playing a piano is hard, and I've tried it before with little success. But I won't be defeated, I know God's given me long fingers for a reason.
"You are a child of mine, born of my own design, you bear the heart of life. No matter where you go, you will always know, you been freed in Christ. You are a child of mine."
Luke Emmanuel out.
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